I’ve never known someone to lie so deep,
it must cut you to the quick & break your own heart
how can you sleep?
You must be such a terrified child inside
to always run from & to so deeply hide
who you are.
No wonder you loved that i could help shine on light on who you were to you
no wonder why you loved that i could truely see & know you
for to be such a liar you must believe your own lies.
you must be so very lost to yourself & so empty inside.
Your cunning is cutting your own heart to its quick
It’s sealing you in a dark prison room of your own making,
the darkest prison dungeon. Sealed off from the light of being
truely known truely seen.
how terribly lonely.
my heart aches for you that you are such
a terrified child.
thinking you have to con the world & watch your back
& be two steps ahead, And throw people under the bus
to protect yourself.
i am sorry you felt i was so against you.
that i would hurt you.
i am sorry you are a bit paranoid.
It’s your lonely darkness, your twisted mind-fuck that you play
on others, that you scam others hearts
that are fucking your own.
I feel for you, i bleed for you
my heart aches for your heartache.
you really don’t know me at all.
I have you more figured out then you
do your very self, for i speak truth & in doing
so i see truth as well.
I am sorry you were a terrified child
that you burn others hands to keep
from getting burnt
that you would crush others hearts to make sure yours was
always so well
you create your own hell
your boredom must be palpable.
not being able to feel,
to be truely real
coning those who loved you most.
Do you think i didn’t find out you stole
money from me at an ATM?
cashing my check adding a bit extra
on cuz you were mad or thought
i was a chump that deserved it.
An easy trusting mark.
I am not so stupid as you figured.
I was honest with you.
i have nothing to hide.
that’s why i could hold my head high in a courtroom
while everyone attacked me.
i know i am not perfect.
i have the courage (coeur-age=with heart)
of living my truth & owning my mistakes
in order to see myself & grow
even if painfull.
yes i made my mis-takes
but i claim them
& i live free, outloudly
in the light of day.
it is less lonely there.
even when all forsake me
because i am Free.
because i have me.
Because Life & the living energy of God is Truth
Because secrets destroy us.
I pray you come clean if
not for you, then for me.
Maybe one day you will give me
an appology of depth.
Not one of a guilty conscience that just
threw me under a bus & destroyed my
life to protect your lies.
I wish you could have fought fair.
I wish you had hair.
And weren’t so ugly
& full of shit.
But in truth you are the one
hurting the deepest
for you are living a lie
and that lie will corrode you from the inside out
because what you submerge you are giving
I will pray for you as i pray for myself.
I have been, but all you have had for me is vile.
you can go fuck yourself as far as i am concerned.
get over your self.
be a man.
own your shit.
stop being a fucking coward.
do the right thing
tell the truth
& set your own heart free.
Believe me i have seen this play out with my dad.
He may have travelled the world,
been a VP,
but he died a miserable death.
His heart went into heart
failure for his lies.
He suffered years & years
& years, living like a vegetable
having someone have to wipe his butt,
living the most humiliating sort of half existence for
over a decade.
Is that what you want?
you are living for the moment
but you are fucking your long range quality of life.
from the inside out.