To those who think my latest blog posts are too intense, I say to you, after you have been victimized for 2 years by a psychopath on the deepest levels–emotionally, spiritually & sexually . . .you would know why i have so much rage. It is one of the very normal stages of people who are getting over being with someone who was a psycopath. It is HUGELY different then a regular breakup–one where you breakup but you know some of your memories with that person were genuinely good–that they had genuinely cared about you at some point in the relationship.
The most damaging aspect of having been in a relationship with a psycopath, is that you find out it was all a premeditated con. Nothing was real emotionally to them. They were just using you & trying to dupe you on the most profound levels because they enjoyed causing your undoing. They enjoyed causing you harm & psychological pain. They enjoyed having “power over” you. It was hugely exciting for them, your distress. Their getting something for nothing. Them conning you. Them breaking you down & then when you were good & broken saying everything was “your fault”–“you are such a mess! You are desperate & pathethic.” and other evil things they say once they have had their way with you & are now onto the contempt phase of their relationships where you are nothing to them & their mask is finally off.
It has been heartbreaking to find out how deeply my ex deceived me. In preparing to defend myself & contest his bogus restraining order, I researched & unearthed so many horrible things he did behind my back. So many horrible lies. Any fantasy I had that he had ever remotely loved me, was crushed & decimated.
It has been so hard for me to comprehend it all. How someone could do that to someone for 2 years straight? It has shaken the way i look at people & the world.
But i am not going to let him win. And if he is reading this, he can kiss my ass. I am stronger than that, because i live in Truth & that is power-full. I have real, genuine emotions. I know how to love someone & genuinely care.
No matter what he tries to take, steal & profit off of other people, emotionally, physically, etc. he will never have that. And try as he might he can NEVER take that away from me again, period.
I feel sorry for him. He is one twisted broken messed up individual.
It is now long enough away from the trial that I can now speak my truth.
It is freeing & a liberating feeling.
The Truth is powerful!
Yea me! I am awesome! And I am finding myself, the shiny happy caring person that he tried so hard to destroy. I am finding her again, even though i accidentally ran into him a couple days ago & he acted like i didn’t even exist. The funny thing is he doesn’t phase me the way he used to. I am onto his con artist ways now. He is just like his dad.
To any women who have been through a similar situation, i feel for you so deeply. It was one of the hardest things i have ever lived through.
God bless everyone, including him. I hope he appologies to me one day & finds his own heart.