Hornet’s Nest

How can i connect to you?

You are like a hornet’s nest

So re-active

So ascerbic, biting & mean.

You sting me for the pure pleasure of it.

You enjoy hurting me.

It breaks my heart dear mother.

I want so much to connect now that

dad is dead.

But your sweet honey tiny kind moments are followed instantly by a

stinger.  Or being swarming with judgement & hate.

How can you keep hating me for not being you?

Wouldn’t you want me to be myself?

to individuate & grow

to become a whole functioning healthy

adult?

With a mind of my own.

A life of my own.

Making my own way successfully in this world?

But you want to keep me trapped.

In bondage to you.

In your cocoon of pain.

So you can control & dominate.

It is soo heartbreaking.

I am reaching the end of my limit.

I’ve asked you so many times

to treat me with respect.

I’ve warned you I might

have to give up on relating

on having a relationship with you.

But you chose rage

you consciously chose rage

over me.

So with love I let you go.

I am so sore & weary

& tired of these painful stingers.

I want to be free

& so out of love for myself.

I walk

away

and become my own mother.

It is still heartbreaking though

that you never wanted to truely see or love or know

me.

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