How can i connect to you?
You are like a hornet’s nest
So ascerbic, biting & mean.
You sting me for the pure pleasure of it.
You enjoy hurting me.
It breaks my heart dear mother.
I want so much to connect now that
dad is dead.
But your sweet honey tiny kind moments are followed instantly by a
stinger. Or being swarming with judgement & hate.
How can you keep hating me for not being you?
Wouldn’t you want me to be myself?
to individuate & grow
to become a whole functioning healthy
With a mind of my own.
A life of my own.
Making my own way successfully in this world?
But you want to keep me trapped.
In bondage to you.
In your cocoon of pain.
So you can control & dominate.
It is soo heartbreaking.
I am reaching the end of my limit.
I’ve asked you so many times
to treat me with respect.
I’ve warned you I might
have to give up on relating
on having a relationship with you.
But you chose rage
you consciously chose rage
So with love I let you go.
I am so sore & weary
& tired of these painful stingers.
I want to be free
& so out of love for myself.
and become my own mother.
It is still heartbreaking though
that you never wanted to truely see or love or know