You have to have a strong sense of self & ego before you can transcend it. Otherwise all is chaos.
If you were victimized early on in life & never were allowed to put up scaffolding of selfhood, boundaries & autonomy; sometimes it is super important to have that space later on as an adult.
You need to have an ego before you can go beyond & lose ego; otherwise it is terrifying & feels like chaos & violation. Just as you can’t truely move to forgiveness until you have been allowed to feel the rage & sense of violation. Both are important in the process of Becoming, more whole, more free.
People who aren’t survivors don’t fully understand this most of the time. They want you to jump ahead two steps & bypass the hard & the ugly part of the wound forming a bloody scab. There is order in nature & a natural sequence of events. If you violate that natural order of things you cannot heal properly. If you try to force forgiveness, without honoring & loving yourself enough to give yourself the due self honor to grieve & feel anger for the awful thing you went through, you will get stuck & make yourself smaller–pre-empt & stiffle self. If you get to that place of forgiveness by giving yourself the due honor to allow whatever emotional stage is next in the sequence, then you will come out the other side more whole, more free.
It’s all in where we are in relation to something. Where are you in the process, Your process?
It is sooo annoying to me that society, especially US society, gives no space to breathe, be fully human, feel things. It gives no space for PROCESS, vulnerability & true community sometimes. I see this getting worse with facebook & cell phones & texts & everyone on the go. The question . . .where is everyone rushing to? going to? Is it worth it when you get there if you have dishonored yourselves & each other. If you have muzzled yourselves, your hearts, in the process? Like folding a napkin, we shorten ourselves to fit.
Well i am stepping out of our culture & creating it for myself. Anyone who wants to stiffle me can take a walk. i need room to breathe & be & i am increasingly aware there are others working for this same space & giving it out there for each other. We are grass roots & we are power-full & authentic. A breath of fresh air & true compassion. Not in your head intellectual compassion, but from the HEART. where all is roomy & spacious. ❤
Bless-sings y’alls. ❤